Voices of the Nagith
by freakyanimegal
Summary: GrandSeries oneshot. Four thousand years ago Kratos was once just a teenage kid, a kid with a problem he couldn't understand. A problem he never wanted to understand, if he knew what it would mean. Nothing would be right again. Nothing would be right.


**...I just wanted to put this here...n.n' It's a oneshot side-story to 'Tasks of Spirit'. I wanted to get into Kratos' mind **

**back when he started...um...changing, I hope you don't mind...n.n' And I will update Taks of Spirit soon, to clear it **

**up...sorry.**

**Note: I'm using a personality close to Holy Spork's interpretation of a teenage Kratos, one because I'm OCD and want **

**our Collab to make sense, two... I absolutely love young Kratos' personality quirks...n.n**

**Other Note: Kratos is a half-angel according to 'Tasks of Spirit' and also in Holy Spork's story.**

**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything...at all. T.T**

Something's not right with me lately.

"HYAH! HYAH!"

I didn't know what I was doing, why I had suddenly gotten so into fighting...why when I passed by that display that sword

caught my eye and I just had to get it. Sure, I'd thought about learning to fight before, we were in the middle of a war and

all... Until now, though, I had barely held a sword and here I was out in one of the soldiers training fields hacking at

nothing with a sharp stick of metal. It made me...feel better, for some reason...

_**Because it's familiar.**_

I almost dropped the blade but shook my head, gritting my teeth together.

"Shut up..." I grunted, then slashed forward again.

Stupid...damn...voice...why did it keep coming at me?! No, no it's not real...ignore it-

_**Can't.**_

I growled under my breath and picked up the pace, stupid, stupid voice...

"Hey Kratos!"

I stopped and looked to the side, where Yuan was waving at me. I smiled a bit, glad to see him, especially with things

going how they had been lately... Ignoring the voice was easier when someone else was around. He looked at the sword I

had and I quickly sheathed it.

"Uh...hey," I said.

"...You training with that sword again?" he raised an eyebrow.

"...So?" I glared.

"Hey, don't get mad, I was just asking..." he put his arms behind his head, "you've gotten really into that lately..."

"...Uh...yeah," I trailed, looking at it.

Why...? Why did I feel the need to...?

_**Feel power?**_

"Shut up!" I snapped, shaking my head.

"Huh-?" Yuan stared. "I didn't-"

"W-what? N-no, I wasn't..." I groaned, "nevermind, pretend I didn't do that, okay?"

Yuan raised an eyebrow, using one of his usual 'you expect me to believe that?' faces.

"Well...whatever," he said, "..."

Silence fell, I think I heard a cricket, but I dismissed it. Why should I worry about a stupid little bug? Not like I'll see it again.

"...What?" I snapped, not liking how Yuan had just stopped talking.

"I was just wondering..." his eyes narrowed, "...have you uh...had any more episodes lately?"

"..." I glared.

"Hey! Don't look at me like that! I was just worried-"

"You think I'm crazy," I hissed, "there's a difference."

"Look, I don't think you're crazy," Yuan huffed, crossing his arms, "I just think...something... You've been acting weird

for...what, over a year now? Seeing as you had those passing out fits ever since your sixteenth-"

_**Shut up.**_

"L-look, I just...wasn't feeling well-" I lied.

"Oh bullshit, and I'm going to sprout wings and fly-,"

It took everything in me not to growl at him, though I still couldn't stop a snarl. Yuan stopped and smacked himself. Damn

straight. Idiot knew not to mention...THAT crap, the dumbass!

"The point is," Yuan blurted, trying to distract me, "I can recall eight times you passed out like that, and I'm sure there's

more you've kept in the closet being thekinda guy you are."

His green eyes narrowed on me, his brow furrowed.

"You can't honestly expect me to believe you're...fine," he said, "...you even avoided us the other month."

"The other month?" I blinked

"Your birthday you idiot," he huffed, "you completely gave us the run-around on your seventeenth!"

Of course...

"I...I just...look, I have a reason..." I started.

The reason? Well gee, I'd headed over there, then passed out, and then that stupid VOICE started talking in my head! I

couldn't have just gone off with them like nothing happened, especially when...

"Kratos," Yuan's voice called me back to reality, "what happened? You've been avoiding us for months now...well, not me

so much as Martel and the rest of us, but... Seriously, what happened?"

"Happened?" I rolled my eyes. "Pssh, what makes you think something-?"

_**Liar. **_

"H-happened?" I managed to finish, though I flinched a bit.

The cricket chirped more...it's getting annoying.

"You did it again," Yuan spat.

"Did what?" I asked.

"That! You just cut off and flinched!" he jabbed a finger in my face.

"Yuan, get your finger out of my face before I bite it off," I said flatly.

"Please, you've told me that before," he laughed.

I bit him.

"OW-! SON OF A-!" he cried, shaking his finger. "What the hell, Kratos?!"

"I warned you," I shrugged.

"I hate you so much sometimes..." he growled, nursing his finger.

I did warn him, didn't I?

"Look...I haven't passed out lately-"

Then of course, whatever forces that be proved they hated me.

I passed out.

* * *

_**That is called, 'irony'.**_

_Shut up..._

Wait...where...? Oh no, not again... The voices... I don't know which one's mine...I don't know if they're even separate... I

feel...foggy, blurry, like something inside me is churning, twisting...like I'm...not...that...I...

_**Thoughts are scrambled...**_

_Confused..._

_**It's getting closer...**_

_Closer...? What's getting closer?_

_**The seal is weakening... **_

_Seal? What seal? What seal?!_

I open my eyes...and see nothing. It's dark- but it's not dark, it's...not anything, it's not white or light or black or dark...

Really, I couldn't explain it, though the closest I could get to it was telling someone to take something good. Wait...this was

the part when...I saw it...

_You..._

There's the tall guy with spiky hair, his back to me. I can't really...see him, except the outline... Then he turns and I can feel

his eyes on me... Crap, not this again-!

"GAH-!!"

_**Me.**_

My heart throbs and I fall to my knees, my vision fogging over.. Then it's like I'm not in me anymore, that I'm looking at

myself...and that I'm...not myself anymore...

"Why...does this keep...?" I groan.

_Time..._

_**It's only a matter of time...**_

* * *

"Kratos! Hey! Kratos! C'mon, wake up, damn you!"

"I'm awake!" I blurted, sitting upright. "I just...uh-"

My head throbbed again.

"Guh-!" I grimaced.

_**Weakening...**_

"Shut up! Just shut up!" I cried, clutching my head.

"W-?! Kratos, are you okay-?!" Yuan reached for me.

"I'm fine-!" I blurt.

_**It's almost enough...almost enough to...**_

"Kratos-!" Yuan put his hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me I guess...

"Don't TOUCH ME!" I roared.

I grabbed his wrists and flung his arms away from me. Then I sprang up and ran off as fast as I could. My feet kept hitting

the ground so hard I imagine the vibration would've gone up to my head if my ears weren't pounding already. Buildings

zoomed past me in waves of white homes and black streets, blurring together in my head... Wait-! What was I doing?! Why

was I running-?!

_**Afraid...**_

Oh yeah, that's why.

"No no no no..." I mutter, running faster.

My legs felt numb, they were burning but somehow I found myself just going faster. As if I could get away from it...I was

trying to get away from the voice, I knew that, but I...

_**Hide.**_

"Wh-?"

I fell forward, somewhere along the line my knees had buckled.

"GAH!"

My whole front-side hurt, but that was nothing compared to my head...it wouldn't stop throbbing.

_**Hide!**_

Hide?! Hide from what?! Where!? Why-?!

"GAH-!"

_**That.**_

I gaped like an idiot at my hand in front of me...there was no color on it. I mean, it was white...like snow in the sunlight

white. For a second I thought I was delusional until I felt a stabbing feeling at my back...that sort of snapped me out of it.

Deciding maybe the voice was right for once, I got to my feet and looked for someplace to go... Dark allies, not exactly

smart, but I didn't want anyone to see what was going on with me...

_**Go in, damn it!**_

"Shut up!" I snapped again, running in.

All right, so there I was in an isolated alley, leaning against the side of a dumpster..lovely.

"...Hff...hff..."

Once I had taken a few breaths I looked at my hand again...

"GAH-!!"

_**...It was enough.**_

I grimaced and looked over my shoulder. I knew that feeling, those damn...things, had come out of my back again. Stupid,

damn, sparkly gayass fairy wings...stupid freak of nature-

What the hell...?!

"The f-?!" I blurted.

My wings had stopped 'sparkling', and the blue color was being replaced with a shade of black I didn't think was possible.

It seeped over my feathers like oil, slowly...oozing... Then it looked like the gunk hardened and my feathers were...well,

they weren't feathers anymore, they..were...

Scales...?!

"What...what the hell is happening to me..?" I whispered, shaking.

_**It's weak.**_

"..." I groaned, "shut up...leave me alone..."

_**...Can't.**_

"Don't tell me 'can't'! Shut up! Shut up!" I cried.

_**...Not crazy.**_

I stopped, my eyes snapping open wide.

"...What?" I whispered.

_**...Not crazy.**_

I choked and hunched my wings closer to me, as if I thought I could make them normal again- tch, like they were 'normal' to

begin with. ...I thought for sure I'd totally lost it, but if you were crazy and heard voices, they wouldn't tell you that you

weren't...right? Or would they? I don't know...

_**If can ask if crazy not crazy.**_

Stupid voice...what was it? It always felt like it was talking TO me...but then sometimes...sometimes it felt like I was talking

to me...as, me. I groaned again. It didn't make any sense... I must be crazy, that's the only possible explanation, right? I've

gone totally nuts...

"Kratos?"

Okay, I KNOW I heard that voice.

"...Shit," I muttered.

I tried to hide more, trying to make my wings go away like they usually did...and, of course, since existence hates me, for

some reason they didn't. I swore under my breath and huddled behind the dumpster fully, though I could still hear Yuan

coming in the alley.

"Kratos? You in here?" I heard him call again.

No...go away...pl_**-ease go away...**_

I flinched.

Right then...did...the voice and I just talk to-_**gether?**_

"GAH!" I shouted, clutching my head.

Had I been thinking clearly, I would have realized that proved to Yuan I was there...

"Kratos-!" Yuan rounded the corner.

Wh-what was going on with me?! The voice- the voice and my own thoughts...they were all jumbled- They- I-

_**SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!!**_

Oh God...I just thought that...was the voice saying what I-?

No...that wasn't it...

I was the one who said that.

"Kratos...?"

I looked blankly at him, I could see him, but it wasn't like I...registered it. My mind had come to a complete stop, I didn't

blink, I didn't think, I barely breathed. I was...I mean, I knew where I was, I knew what was around me, I knew Yuan

looked like he was going to have a heart-attack, but...I just didn't...care...

"Kratos? Kratos! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Yuan grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me. "What happened to

your-?! And what's with your-?! Are you okay, man?! Kratos-!!"

I felt my head bob up and down limply, but I didn't react.

"Kratos! Speak to me, damn it!" Yuan snarled.

"..." I choked.

Before I knew it tears had slipped from my eyes and I collapsed onto his shoulder, sobbing.

"W-what the hell-!? Kratos-!!"

"Y...Yuan..." I gasped out, sobbing, "...I..."

"Kratos?! What the hell is wrong with you you crazy human-?!"

"Yuan..." I cried like a baby, "it won't go away..."

"Go away-? What? What are you-?"

I drew back from him, having regained enough control to realize I would NOT want someone to walk in to see me sobbing

onto Yuan's shoulder like a little girl. Oh God, the humiliation...

"...The voice,"

The words escaped my lips, and the second they had I wished they hadn't.

"...Voice..." Yuan repeated, looking extremely worried at this point.

"...It's...it's in my head..." I continued, though I was partly screaming at myself to shut the hell up and go to hell for

speaking up anyway, "it won't stop talking to me, Yuan, and it's not just talking to me- it-"

I began to babble, I don't even remember what I said though I'm sure it wasn't coherent.

"...Kratos, look, you...you need to get some rest- What is that?"

It was then he noticed my hand.

"..." I gaped.

My hand...it had turned black, black and scaly, just like my damn wings...

"...Kratos..." Yuan whispered, his eyes wide and his voice low as he drew back, "...what is...?"

"...I..." my voice failed and I found myself unable to think.

"...Holy crap..." Yuan whispered, "...Kratos...what...what's happening to you...?"

I...I had no idea... All I could do was try to calm down before he said anything more. Once I managed to stop shaking I

swallowed deeply and held up my...'hand' in front of both of us.

"...Yuan, what the hell am I?" I said.

He couldn't answer me.

"...What...the HELL am I!?" I cried.

"Kratos-"

"First these damn THINGS pop out of me and then-!!" I shouted, talking about those damn wings, "And then-!? And then

this-?! Look at me, Yuan! What am I!? What in hell AM I!?"

_**Not human.**_

"I KNOW! I KNOW ALREADY DAMN YOU! I GOT THAT AFTER THE WINGS-!!" I shouted.

"What-?!" Yuan backed away from me. "Kratos, what are you talking about-?!"

...Damn. Damn damn damn damn DAMN!

"It's the...it's..."

I took a deep breath, knowing I couldn't put it off any longer.

"...Look, I was avoiding you because..." I trailed, deciding to start there "...this voice started in my head...and...when I pass

out I see this...guy. I...it's...I didn't want you to think I was crazy..."

Yuan said nothing, he just looked at me with that face...what was it? Concern? Pity? Fear? What did it matter? He thought I

lost it, no, he KNEW I lost it. He was just wondering how to get me to a psyche ward before I did something to him...

Though after a couple of minutes he actually spoke up.

"Well...gotta admit, if it wasn't for that," he pointed at my hand, "I would most likely think you were insane...or not,

considering all that's happened before now..."

"...What...is it?" I stammered. "It's...so...dark..."

"Well, since you can't sense it I've gotta tell you," Yuan said, "the mana that and your wings are giving off is...crazy."

"Mana?" I pried my eyes from my hand to look at him.

"...Yeah," he nodded, inspecting it again, "...I've never sensed mana like that..."

"...Maybe...I should-?" I started.

"No, are you kidding? Don't tell anyone," Yuan glared, "they toss me around for being a half-elf, what do you think they'll do

to you if they see you're suddenly lizard-boy-?"

For some reason, that ticked me off.

"Don't call me-!!" I started.

_**Lizard boy?!**_

"Okay okay! Sorry!" he said. "But seriously..."

We both looked at my hand for another moment in silence.

"Cricket!"

"Okay, that damn bug is stalking me or something, I know it," I groaned.

"There does seem to be a cricket around a lot lately..." Yuan muttered.

"Crick!"

Then it stopped.

"...So...what am I going to do?" I asked. "About...this? I can't just-"

Suddenly, my hand seemed to melt down...and then it was...normal?

"What the-?"

I looked over my shoulder and saw the blackness disappear from my wings...

"..." Yuan and I both stared.

"...Well..." Yuan said, "...that solves that problem."

"H-how did-?" I stared at my wings, then my hand, then back.

"Beats me," Yuan shrugged, "...but about that voice..."

"...Yeah?" I said, a bit more coldly than I wanted...

"...Well...um..."

There was more silence.

"Oh gods I can't believe this is happening to me..." I groaned, dismissing my wings, "I thought YOU were supposed to be

the freaky one-"

"Hey!" Yuan snapped. "You don't see me growing scales!"

"Oh shut up!" I snapped back.

Okay, at that point the silences were just annoying.

"Look...tell me everything that's been going on with you," Yuan said, "what happens when you pass out like that? Tell me

everything that has to do with this."

"...Why?" I asked slowly.

"...Who else are you gonna tell?" he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

"...True," I muttered.

"...But first, a suggestion," he closed his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"Let's get out from behind the dumpster,"

"...Yeah," I said after a minute, "that probably is a good idea."

"Duh,"

* * *

"...So..."

I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath to calm myself. Damn it all! Yuan had said that at least five times, looking like he

was going to start saying something, but then he just closed his mouth and stared at me some more. Why couldn't he just

say it?! He was freaked! He was-! ...Then again, who wouldn't be freaked by a freak...? I sighed and leaned against the

wall of our...club. The old shack may have just been that, old, musty, smelly, cracked, cold, dusty, damp, dark...but it had

always been OUR shack. This had always been the only place where we could hang out together for more than a couple

minutes...the only place I could run to when I couldn't take home anymore...

"So..." Yuan started again.

I swear, if he says that again I'm gonna belt him.

"..." he sighed, rubbing his head, "...Kratos, this...guy, you keep seeing...what does he-?"

"I told you, I can't see him, just his...shadow, wait, it's more like he is a shadow...sorta."

Yuan frowned, wearing that face he always does when he's thinking about things...

"...Look, Kratos," he said, "...I can't say I know anything that can help or anything...but... Look, man, if there's anything I

can do at all... I'm just here if you need me, okay?"

I looked at him a minute, stunned. What the hell...? Was he serious? He wasn't going to freak out? He wasn't going to

treat me like a...or...I don't know! Something! He just shouldn't be so freaking-! Calm! Why?! Why doesn't h_**e**_ _**hate me?**_ I

flinched. Damn it-! Not again...!

"...Kratos? You okay-?" Yuan asked.

"Y-yeah..." I sighed.

"...Look, it's getting late...maybe you should head home,"

I nodded slowly, my eyes on my feet.

"...Hey, Kratos,"

I looked up at him a second, then he smirked in his usual fashion.

"Keep me up to date on this stuff, okay? I need to know if I should get a sunlamp ready."

"Go to hell, Yuan," I scoffed.

He laughed, his arms crossed.

"To see you? Nah, think I'll pass on that buddy," he smirked at me.

"Yeah yeah..." I snorted, "...don't get arrested on the way home, okay?"

"If it was a crime to be so damn good looking, I'd have a life-sentence by now,"

I rolled my eyes. That was Yuan for you.

"See ya, Yuan," I said, heading for the door.

The sun was going down by the time I was on the streets again, hands in my pockets and my eyes on the floor as I

headed home. Not that I expected any comfort there. Sure, this was the slums, it was dirty, dark, and if I'd been wearing

anything remotely like I'd have to wear at home I would have gotten mugged; but I preffered this to that clean-cut,

blazingly clean and nauseatingly fancy area where I unfortunately lived.

I sighed. Oh well...it's not like I could get away from it, not really. ...The voice had stopped. I almost stopped walking at

that realization. YES! YES! The damn voice finally shut up! I grinned but then I frowned again. ...It would be back, it always

came back. ...Why is my life so freaking screwed up? Honestly... How long has this been going on now? A year? Well, at

least I didn't hear that damn voice until a couple months ago. ...What was going on with me? I bit my lip as I walked,

scrunching up my face. It didn't make sense, I knew I wasn't just nuts, because Yuan said my mana was off...and the damn

wings and stuff... But seriously, what else could it be? Was this some kind of f'ed up new illness? Ah, worry about this isn't

going to help, I should just focus on getting home-

"Master Kratos!"

What the-?

I looked up and saw one of the servants running for me.

"Master Kratos! Where have you been?" she asked.

What does it matter to you, bitch?

"I was gone, what, four hours? I've been out longer," I said, "and if you really gave a damn for safety, you would realize

that shouting who I am in the middle of a street isn't exactly smart."

I noticed she glared at me a second before she masked it with remorse.

"I apologize, Master Kratos, please, come home,"

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine,"

"Really, your mother gets worried about you,"

She's the only one who does, even then I doubt she really cares half the time. She tries to be nice to me, I'll give her that,

but I can tell she doesn't like me... It's all 'dad's fault, the fucker. If he had just married Mom and got it over with I wouldn't

have to go through all this...

Huh-? Oh, I'm 'home' already.

"Kratos!"

I looked up. It's Mom, dressed fancy as usual- ...and she looks ticked. As usual.

"Where have you been?!" she snapped at me.

It's weird knowing people with red-tinted eyes, they look like they're pissed all the time. Then again, everyone in this family

has them-...and they're always pissed anyway. Go figure.

"Just around," I shrugged, looking away.

"Kratos..." she sighed, "you know you shouldn't be out so late, and around town dressed like THAT..."

A jacket and jeans, so what? Did she want me to walk around in a tux?

"Hurry up and get dressed, your Uncle is coming for dinner,"

Oh NO!

"Uncle? What Uncle?"

Please don't let it be him, please don't let it be him-

"His highness, of course," she said.

DAMN IT ALL!

"Y'know what? I'd love to, but I feel REALLY sick so I'll just-"

She glared at me.

"Okay okay!" I blurted.

Did I mention she's scary?

* * *

I plopped onto my bed with a groan, flinging the tie across the room. Stupid tie, stupid dinner, stupid Uncle, stupid royals,

stupid Tethe'alla... What made Mom think I liked sitting there with Uncle glaring at me like he wanted to cut my throat, then

he just ranted how we were going to 'crush Sylvarant beneath our feet' and blah blah blah. Hell! No one even REMEMBERS

what this war is about! What the hell is the point? It's not MY problem, I don't have to go to war, and when the blessed

day comes Uncle keels over his own prick of a son will take up the family obsession. I sat up and caught sight of myself in a

mirror, glaring. I hated having to dress like this, the white tux with the tie and everything. Seriously, they stained like THAT,

why bother with them? And ties? Honestly, what the hell? Then again, they could be put to use, if things got bad enough at

dinner you could strangle yourself with one. I hated this whole stuffy life. I hated it.

_**Why?**_

NO damn it-!!

_**Why?**_

"SHUT UP!" I shouted, pressing a pillow over my ears.

_**Don't belong.**_

I went to start yelling at it to shut up again when I realized...it had a point.

"..." I swallowed a bit.

_**Don't belong here. Why belong here? No point. No desire. No pleasure. **_

I said nothing.

_**Nothing here worth it. No one cares. No one listens. No one-**_

"Kratos?"

"M-mom?" I stammered.

What was Mom doing in my room? She never came in my room...

"...Can I talk to you?" she asked.

"Uh...y-yeah..." I nodded.

Mom slowly walked inside, still in her gown, the trail dragging on the ground behind her. She looked around before she

looked down at me, like she was thinking about something.

"...What?" I asked.

"...Kratos...I..." she hesitated, "...do you know what your name means?"

Huh? Where the hell did that come from?

"Uh...no,"

"...Kratos means 'strength'," she said.

"Okay...well, that's kinda cool, but why are you-?"

She sat down next to me on the bed. Which kind of scared me, honestly.

"It doesn't mean physical strength, that's not why I named you that," she said, "...it means inner strength. I named you

that because I want you to be strong-hearted, understand?"

"Okay..." I said slowly, eying here, "...Mom, are you feeling all right?"

"Y-yes," she nodded, "...I just want you to stay strong. Is all."

...Wait...did she...did she know? About what was happening to me? How could she have found out?

"Promise me no matter what happens, you won't lose yourself,"

"O...okay," I said again.

She gave me a quick hug before she left, and later that night as I tried to sleep...

_**Promise will be broken.**_

I shook my head and rolled over.

**_She'll be the first one._**

I closed my eyes tightly and prayed silently that it was just my imagination. It had to be my imagination. Nothing bad was

going to happen, to me or Mom. I was just...it just couldn't. I rolled over one last time and told myself that it was all in my

head, that everything would be all right.

...But in some deep part of me...I knew nothing would be all right again.

_Nothing_ would be right again.

**Sorry, really was in an Edgar Allan Poe mood there...it's near Halloween anyway, right? n.n' Though look at the last **

**line again...I'll give a virtual cookie to whomever can find what the double meaning in that.**

**Review?**


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